Week-In-Review

27 Jul

Hey there Amber Omega friends…

just a little reminder that I’ve moved out of this space over to

The Unconventional Doctor’s Wife.

But just in case you haven’t had time to hop over there, here is a little recap of what I wrote this week:

10 Reasons I should quit blogging

What {not} to write in your kid’s baby book

#iwantmypantiesback {my day in hashtags}

Christianese Sucks*

Beyond {and my dog issues}

hope to see you over there!

Authenically yours,

Amber

 

Packing Up & Moving Out

23 Jul

Hey Party People (and by that I mean my 14 loyal Amber Omega readers)-

I’m changing “homes” on the interwebz. You can now find me blogging over at

The Unconventional Doctor’s Wife

You can read more about the blog here.

Oh, and I got all fancy and made a Facebook page (though I really don’t know why except that someone told me I should). So, um…go “Like” me? Holy cow. That sounds so lame.

And because I’m so web-challenged, I think if you want to keep up with my stellar writing skills, you’ll have to subscribe over on that page now. Sorry.

I need a crash course in WordPress…stat!

Y’all rock. See ya over on the other site :)

Living Free {An Authentic Life}

4 Jul

We desire human connection. In order to have a genuine connection with someone else, we have to be authentic. We have to be real. Which in turn means, we have to be vulnerable.

{If you haven’t watched this TED talk: The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown, you must. It’s amazing. It’s everything I’ve learned this last year all in one little 20 minute video.}

Now I’m not saying you have to go start a blog and spill your heart out to the world (what kind of crazy person does that?…um, don’t answer that).

It takes baby steps. It takes choices. And it starts with one person.

You.

You have to decide to be honest with yourself. Do not to shove those feelings of hurt, loneliness, hardship under the rug anymore.

You must decide to acknowledge them. Do not dismiss them as weakness or a lack of faith.

Don’t ignore them anymore.

I believe when we can admit to ourselves the truth,  a burden is lifted off our shoulders. It frees us up. And when you can share it with a trusting friend (or counselor), your burden will only get lighter, and you will have the comfort of knowing you are not walking through this messy life alone.

I believe it is then, and only then that you will be on your way to living a more real, authentic life…

the life you were created to live.

The other day I was telling Hayden that even though it is still unnerving when friends and family tell me they have read this blog, there is a freedom in it too.

I don’t have to hide anymore. I don’t have to pretend I’m something I’m not.

I think the wise words of Kramer sum it up best.

“I’m out there, Jerry, an’ I’m lllovin’ every minute of it!!!

…I’m free, an’ unfettered….”

Yes! and amen.

Hope you have an awesome day celebrating our freedom!

Happy 4th my friends!

Dear Intern Wife…

2 Jul

July 1st (or 2nd in this case) is the beginning of the medical year. It is when all med students, interns, residents, and fellows start their brand new year. And for some, this is the very beginning of the journey.

*******

Dear Intern Wife,

Today is a big day, an exciting day! Not just for your husband, but for you too!

You are embarking on a new chapter that is part of your unique story. This chapter will bring you challenges, it will bring you joy, it will teach you lessons, it will test you, and it will strengthen you.

You may be in the same city that you lived in during medical school. You might have moved away from family or closer to family. Maybe you moved across the country to a brand new city where you don’t know a soul.

But where ever you are, know that you are not alone.

There will be times that you feel alone because

  • friends and family don’t understand your situation
  • your husband isn’t around as much as you’d like
  • you don’t have any friends in this new town
  • you don’t want to ask for help or
  • you don’t know who to ask for help
  • well…you don’t know why, but you just feel lonely

but know that there are many other women who have traveled down this road.

And they know.

I know.

****

And sometimes that’s all you need…a connection with someone else who knows what you are going through.

You will make it through.

And you will be better because of it.

Your husband is a lucky guy to have such a wonderful lady who supports him and is walking alongside him through this next chapter.

I am excited for you.

And please don’t ever forget…you are so much stronger than you think you are.

love & blessings & virtual {{{hugs}}},

Amber

P.S. It’s one thing to know the fact that other women have gone through this too, but if you can’t connect with them, then it still feels pretty lonely. I know this may sound weird (if you don’t know me), but if ever you need someone to talk to,  need some encouragement,  someone to vent to or cry to, please please send me an email, for reals….I’m not kidding…  amberomega@gmail.com and there is also a great group on Facebook you should join.

10 down, 1 to go

1 Jul

Ten years ago today, we started on this journey.  He received his short white coat on Sunday, June 30, 2002 and medical school began the next day, July 1st. (Our first daughter was born a few weeks later.)

A decade behind us. Wow.

And now we are starting the homestretch.

One more year.

{I think I can…I think I can…}

We bought some bed sheets and cleaning supplies for his little bedroom apartment yesterday.

Today, he packed the essentials,

gave hugs and kisses to the kids and me, and then he left.

Headed 185 miles south on I-65.

It kinda felt like I was sending him off to college.

This all sounds much more dramatic than it actually is. We will see him next weekend. To the kids, it will probably seem like normal. But for me, I’ll watch some chick flicks and stay up late miss him terribly. No really, I will.

I love you Hayden. We can do this.

Call me when you get there.

I Lost My Big Girl Panties

25 Jun

Friday should have been a happy day.

Hayden walked out of the hospital for the last time.

He finished his three year fellowship. Ten years of training under his belt. We only have one more year to go until  all of his training is complete.

I should have been excited. For him. For us.

But I wasn’t.

I was filled with anger, bitterness, and resentment.

I was sad.

The reality that he would be leaving July 1st to work three hours away, finally hit. Hard.

In years past, when I faced challenging situations, rotations, or circumstances regarding his career, I brushed my fears aside, put on my big girl panties, convinced myself I could do it, and plowed through. And it worked…

…until last year.

After crashing and burning, I seem to have lost my big girl panties.

Some people will tell me I have every right to feel angry and bitter and will validate my feelings. Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s OK to acknowledge those emotions.

But I don’t want to live there.

I don’t want to stay angry, resentful, bitter.

I have seen other wives go through this process and live in those places. I always told myself I never wanted to do that. But here I was last Friday ready to take up residence in that very lonely place.

Blaming him was a way to justify my angst. But that was a lie. He didn’t do this to me. It’s a decision we made together. It was the best one for our family. I do still believe that. For better or for worse, right? Right.

The funny thing is, after talking crying to my friend about it, I don’t think I really want my big girl panties anymore. I don’t know if I need them.  As long as I have an ear to listen, some arms to hug me, and a few understanding and encouraging words, I think I’m good to go.

Well, for now at least.

***

{After Thought}  

Please check back with me in a few weeks. I may need you to buy me a new pair by then! You can get them here. Ooh, or this would work too. Size Medium. Thanks!

On Being Lonely

20 Jun

If you look up the word lonely, you will find many definitions, all which imply the absence of people.

I know that kind of lonely. For an extrovert, it’s hard when I don’t have  friends who I get to see and connect with regularly. As much as I love email, Facebook (not currently), texting and even talking on the phone, there is nothing quite like have a face to face conversation ending with a squeeze around the neck.

A few months ago, a friend who used to live here traveled back into town for a visit. She is a beautiful soul and has the kindest heart. An excellent listener, she genuinely wants to hear what you have to say when she asks you a question. She was asked me how I was doing.

{Side note: So, you know when you don’t realize you’re kinda on the emotional edge but then someone asks just the right question or says just the right thing and you can feel the dam in your eyes that have been holding back the tears slowly lowering, ready to gush. And then you are trying your hardest not to start speaking because once the tears come there will be no stopping? Well, that is exactly what happened.}

So as I was cry-talking, or cralking, I realized how lonely I was…as in the absence of people…friends. And I said just that to her.

“I am lonely.”

I’m sure she hugged me and said something really sweet and encouraging, but I don’t remember. What I do remember was what she said next.

I don’t know what is more lonely…not having any friends or having lots of them but feeling like none of them really know you… understand you… “get you.” I lived here for many years and knew lots of people, but often times felt so alone. 

Maybe you know someone who is experiencing this kind of lonely. One where even though surrounded by family and friends, they may feel as if no one really knows them or knows how they feel or knows what they are going through.

Maybe you know someone who is lonely from the absence of others. Someone new to town, someone who lost a loved one, or maybe you have just sensed loneliness in a person.

Or maybe you know someone who is going through a season in life that can be very lonely and you have been through that season too.

Take a few moments today and write a note & send a little love in the mail {a Wednesday Letter!}. Nothing long. Just a little something to let them know that they are known.  Or to let them know that you have been there too...or both!

Well heck, if you don’t have time to find a stamp or address, shoot them a text or an email, or maybe call to say “Hi, I was just thinking of you.”

Just do something.

And if you are reading this and thinking…I know someone like that… myself…I want you to know

you are loved.

XOXO

Amber

***

P.S. Thank you Lisa for the love that showed up in my mailbox. Just knowing that you know, is so very encouraging.

A Funny For You

15 Jun

I am not a morning person.

It most likely will be a rough day for mama, compliments of a 5:30 wake up call from my 5 year old and his little sleepover buddy (I’m so sorry Sally!). It will take all my self control (which we know is alreadyweak) to restrain from snapping and biting off heads today.

I’m trying to focus on happy things. Silly things. Things that will make me smile so I don’t lose it.

It Friday for goodness sake!

So, just in case you need a little giggle or a good laugh, I give you this:

Now that I am looking at it, I don’t know if this is funny or just plain scary. Either way…

Happy Friday!

Hoping yours is better than mine.

Topless {Nobody Wants To Be First}

15 Jun

To be completely honest, I don’t like it when people tell me they read my blog. I cringe…it freaks me out. For reals. I like to pretend that I am just sitting all alone, late at night, writing my woes and random thoughts all to myself . I don’t want to acknowledge the fact that Susie Q now knows I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, that I am insecure and quit Facebook because I was jealous of other people (gasp!), that I hide in closets or bathrooms when my kids are driving me crazy (whatever…you do that too).

So why do I do it?

I don’t think I had a real purpose in mind when I started… other than to be myself…and not just the put together parts of me…all of me, the flawed stuff too (at the time, I had no idea how difficult that would really be!).  All I knew was there was enough nonsense in my head to fill a few pages, so I got brave and signed up.

Well, it’s becoming a little more clear why I will continue to write in this little space….

We are all walking around in our daily routines, most likely putting on a smile and going about our business. We say “Hi, how ya doin?” We respond, “Good, and you?”

But is that really how we feel? For some, it truly might be the honest answer. But for many that is just the front we put on.

Nobody wants to be the first to say:

Life is really hard right now…My marriage is not in a good place…I’m really lonely…I’m struggling with an eating disorder…I’m struggling with an addiction…I think I’m depressed…I’m consumed with guilt…I feel like a failure…I’m questioning my faith…I’m barely surviving….

There are several people close to me going through some of this junk. And it stinks. Royally.

But with a few of them, I wouldn’t have known about it had they not read some of the stuff on here, and emailed or called to share with me.

I want people to know they are not alone.

You are not alone in your struggles, in your pain.

I may not have some magic advice to make all the yuck go away, but what I can say is

I know.

I know struggles…I know what failure feels like…I know loneliness…

I know…I’ve been there too and you are not alone in this…

It’s so cliche to say “everything happens for a reason,” but it is so very true. I would not be able to say those things if the last 18 months hadn’t happened, or really, the last 10 years. I have a story to tell…my story. I will write, even if it’s for an audience of one…I know there is someone who needed to read this…and this is for you.

I will be the first to take off the happy mask and share my hardships, my weakness, my joys, and my laughter. I will open up and share my soul with you, fully honest, fully surrendered.

And don’t worry, it won’t always be so serious on here. If you know me, you know I can’t do serious too long.

In one of the emails I recently received, from a friend who opened up and shared her heart, she wrote this:

“…you and I have never really done “naked” before together, but after reading your latest blog I really wanted to connect to the person that wrote that post!”

Oh honey, that wasn’t me naked, that was just me topless…I’ll get naked real soon!

…just you stay tuned…

Winter in Summer

13 Jun

Today, I took the kids to see Dolphin Tale … part of Regal’s summer $1 movie series

Source: fandango.com via Amber on Pinterest

**

 Oh my love.

Seriously, I love this movie. For so many reasons. I will spare you the list, but if you haven’t seen it, rent it today.

I think it is now one of my top five favs, right up there with Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron. Yes, you read that right.

***

And be sure to check out Winter {the dolphin} on her live webcam. So cool!

Oh, and they have summer camps! Do you think they would let a 30 something sign up for one? Would that be weird?

I might have to add that to my Omega List…right up there with swimming with dolphins, or maybe just swimming with Winter. I’m sure these are the dreams of a ten year old, but what can I say?…I’m young at heart? It makes me giddy just thinking about it :)

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 40 other followers