Facebook Fasting {update}

12 Jun

So far it’s been 4 days since I posted about my Facebook free summer. I’ll be honest, it hasn’t been easy. And to be completely honest…I have cheated…a little. Because I’ve been tagged in pictures & comments, the notice appears in my email… so of course (duh!) I click to see what it was . And because I am so weak, I then peek a little more to see the news feed. But just a little. This is so ridiculous. Seriously. {Note to self: must work on self control.}

But, I have realized that it’s not just about Facebook. It’s about most everything online. Pinterest and blogs are just as distracting to me and can cause all those feelings I mentioned before. Thank goodness, I’m not on Twitter, that could be a disaster. My eyes capture images, stories, successes, opportunities, activities, vacations, creations…I feel like the world is moving on without me…to bigger and better things. Bigger and better than what? I’m not sure. But better than where I am, I’m guessing.

**

I’ve been journaling daily about how this process is going,  my weaknesses, my frustrations, what I am learning, my feelings, thoughts. Geez, you would think I’m an addict or something. Ha! Maybe I am…and this is my detox. An addict to an empty virtual life, or really addict to an online stalker life…peeking into other people’s lives, or at least what they let me see of it. Yeah, that does sound kinda creepy.

The first few days I was excited, determined to live in real life. Be present. I was on a mission to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life. I wanted to plan out what my future will look like. My mind was consumed with this thought. What am I supposed to do? I had ideas, but nothing was making sense in my head. None of them seemed right. I was getting anxious. I thought I needed to figure this out  asap. Not sure why it felt so urgent, but I was determined to find my answer.

On Sunday afternoon I tried to share this with my husband. I wanted to bounce ideas off of him, get his opinion. Maybe I just wanted him to tell me the answer. I’m not sure what I said, but it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to…it never does. I was on the verge of tears and I didn’t want to be a crying mess so I didn’t completely share my heart. I think that was OK. No, I know it was OK. We ended up talking about some other things that made me reflect on where I have been and where I am now. Even just a year ago, I was in such a different place. Eventually, the kids came in and needed daddy for something, so I crawled into my bed, pulled the sheets over my head, and tried to just cry it all out. I thought maybe I just was backed up with tears and they needed to get out. I tried. It didn’t work. Then…

Surrender.

The word popped up in my fuzzy head through the emotions and tears. Surrender…oh yeah. I forgot about that. My word this year. Let go…hands up…white flag waving…surrender.

I picked up my e-reader, and opened up my Jesus Calling book.  {Yeah, watch out, I may go all spiritual/religious-y on you 😉 }

I turned to the page titled June 10 and read:

Rest in me, my child. Give your mind a break from planning and trying to anticipate what will happen. Remember you are on a journey with me. When you try to peer into the future and plan for every possibility, you ignore your constant Companion who sustains you moment by moment. 

Ahhhh….

It’s crazy how that happens…it was exactly what I needed to hear.

Surrender…

Let go…so you can rest….

It ended with this verse:

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.”  Psalm 62:5

And I will leave you with that because I can hear my little guy waking up from his nap…crying (oh joy!). Oh, and on the way to his room, I might stop in the bathroom to throw up, because that is how I feel right before, during, and after I hit the “publish” button on a post like this…because doesn’t everyone just love being wholly and completely vulnerable? Yeah, me neither.

xoxo

Amber

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10 Responses to “Facebook Fasting {update}”

  1. Kate June 12, 2012 at 9:12 pm #

    Thanks for the reminder and encouragement to live in THIS moment in THIS life that God has given me.

  2. Gina June 12, 2012 at 9:43 pm #

    I think you are fabulous…and you have way more will power than I do. Love the little reminder too.

  3. Spring June 12, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

    Amber Pie! You are one amazing woman! Thank you for writing this because I know for myself I feel the exact same way. So many times I just want to run from the world of technology
    and only live my life in the present and then when I try, I feel like I am missing out on ‘something’ and feel like I need to check in again. Not sure what that ‘something’ is but it can be consuming at times. I think I am going
    to take a journey down your road and say good-bye to Facebook and things alike for the summer. I did it for lent (almost made it) and it was such a calming feeling. So here’s an amen to that and thank you for being ‘real’ and sharing your true feelings and moments! I love you for that! xoxo

    • amberomega June 15, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

      Oh Spring, I miss you! Glad to know I’m not the only one 🙂 We need to catch up sometime soon!

  4. Shannon Yonge Crawford June 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm #

    Amber Omega-
    sweet words, sweet heart, sweet surrender. God’s got ya, and every certain bit of your surrender.
    xo
    Shannon

  5. Camille Flynn June 13, 2012 at 1:17 am #

    Always dream of unplugging, a digital career but analog home. Less successful than you have been, well done!

  6. fbeedesign June 13, 2012 at 4:55 am #

    Amber…Love your posts! I am a hit-or-miss blogger/FBer, etc….I used to anxiously look to see if anyone left comments…’liked me’ etc. I finally came to the same conclusion that my worth is not wrapped up in who knows me…I do like to feel connected somehow in this fast-paced, anxiety provoking time we live in..but when I REALLY look at it, I feel most connected when I am recognizing where God has been in each lovely moment (like you!). Whether it is a flower, the sun hitting the horizon, heart rocks (Heart Rocks!!!!), noticing the kindness of strangers…time spent with God’s biggest expression of love: our children, or just sitting quietly and reflecting (my place is under a big tree with the wind rustling the leaves…) When I put everything into this perspective…I can blog (honestly), post on facebook (without wondering or worrying..just enjoying) and making my trips to technology with days in between w/out worrying if I’m missing out….I know you will find your balance. Your young family is such a blessing and joy and you are a huge part of of their joyful direction…even on the days that don’t feel so fabulous. I hope you find your balance…and your joy…God will give you all that and more. Breathe dear sweet girl! Blessings…xoxo!

  7. Judy June 13, 2012 at 5:20 am #

    Love your courage, humor, insights…the whole package. xxoo

  8. patrice longmire June 13, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    Good for you sweet brave girl!
    Being present in your own life seems so silly to have to fight for…. I know that fight ….. You are doing the right thing… And listening to your truth teller will fill your heart with peace. I miss your sweet heart and lovely laugh! Enjoy your summer. Someday we will connect

  9. altarofheaven June 23, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    Amber I understand completely! I got off FB last year as an act of obedience and began sharing my hand written journal entries online last Fall–again out of obedience to our Father. He uses blogging as a way of disciplining me to keep my eyes on Him and yet be able to enjoy the uniqueness of others. There is a great tension between the two–only He can temper the two to help me not go to extremes.

    The discipline of self control comes from Him. I’m getting ready to enter another area of refinement–tomorrow my iphone is shut down. God is challenging me to be present too. My computer time has boundaries and I NEED HIM to help me–I see you understand that too! Praying for you sweet one, hugs–I know God saw those tear soaked sheets after all He gave you His Word to free you!
    p.s. i like your blog and I’m encouraged by you…thanks for stopping by mine 😉

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