Topless {Nobody Wants To Be First}

15 Jun

To be completely honest, I don’t like it when people tell me they read my blog. I cringe…it freaks me out. For reals. I like to pretend that I am just sitting all alone, late at night, writing my woes and random thoughts all to myself . I don’t want to acknowledge the fact that Susie Q now knows I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, that I am insecure and quit Facebook because I was jealous of other people (gasp!), that I hide in closets or bathrooms when my kids are driving me crazy (whatever…you do that too).

So why do I do it?

I don’t think I had a real purpose in mind when I started… other than to be myself…and not just the put together parts of me…all of me, the flawed stuff too (at the time, I had no idea how difficult that would really be!).  All I knew was there was enough nonsense in my head to fill a few pages, so I got brave and signed up.

Well, it’s becoming a little more clear why I will continue to write in this little space….

We are all walking around in our daily routines, most likely putting on a smile and going about our business. We say “Hi, how ya doin?” We respond, “Good, and you?”

But is that really how we feel? For some, it truly might be the honest answer. But for many that is just the front we put on.

Nobody wants to be the first to say:

Life is really hard right now…My marriage is not in a good place…I’m really lonely…I’m struggling with an eating disorder…I’m struggling with an addiction…I think I’m depressed…I’m consumed with guilt…I feel like a failure…I’m questioning my faith…I’m barely surviving….

There are several people close to me going through some of this junk. And it stinks. Royally.

But with a few of them, I wouldn’t have known about it had they not read some of the stuff on here, and emailed or called to share with me.

I want people to know they are not alone.

You are not alone in your struggles, in your pain.

I may not have some magic advice to make all the yuck go away, but what I can say is

I know.

I know struggles…I know what failure feels like…I know loneliness…

I know…I’ve been there too and you are not alone in this…

It’s so cliche to say “everything happens for a reason,” but it is so very true. I would not be able to say those things if the last 18 months hadn’t happened, or really, the last 10 years. I have a story to tell…my story. I will write, even if it’s for an audience of one…I know there is someone who needed to read this…and this is for you.

I will be the first to take off the happy mask and share my hardships, my weakness, my joys, and my laughter. I will open up and share my soul with you, fully honest, fully surrendered.

And don’t worry, it won’t always be so serious on here. If you know me, you know I can’t do serious too long.

In one of the emails I recently received, from a friend who opened up and shared her heart, she wrote this:

“…you and I have never really done “naked” before together, but after reading your latest blog I really wanted to connect to the person that wrote that post!”

Oh honey, that wasn’t me naked, that was just me topless…I’ll get naked real soon!

…just you stay tuned…

7 Responses to “Topless {Nobody Wants To Be First}”

  1. Mikel Lyman June 15, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    I am up for going topless… I am just not sure about naked!!! I enjoy reading your thoughts… you are such an amazing woman. xoxo

    • amberomega June 15, 2012 at 6:12 pm #

      No better time to go topless than the summertime, right?!

  2. patrice longmire June 15, 2012 at 2:09 pm #

    You are so beautiful sweetie pie!!!! I love that you are bearing it all… almost …… More to come? You and that honesty of yours is helping others. Hope you really are enjoying your Summer and living that big beautiful life of yours.. Missing you.

    • amberomega June 15, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

      Your words are so sweet Patrice…just like you! xoxo

  3. rabbittandwolf June 15, 2012 at 6:03 pm #

    I totally agree with you about Fb and posting online: people always put their best face on instead of what is really happening. Thanks for your honesty.

    • amberomega June 15, 2012 at 6:18 pm #

      It is a shame, but we all do it. It’s hard not to…if we could recognize we all are hurting at one point or another, then there might be a little more compassion out there.

  4. altarofheaven June 23, 2012 at 9:04 pm #

    This is just great AND I know too. Actually this post could almost be torn from my journal pages 🙂 I’m glad you are surrendering and boasting in your weaknesses you will see the power of Christ dwell strongly in you…FREEDOM!

    2 Corinthians 12:9

    “And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.”

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